(Toby Keith)

I saw one of Santas helpers at the grocery store today
He was standin' at the front door givin' candy canes away
And I told him I was worried about a certain situation
How's Santa gonna get here with this risin' population

He said, I talked to the north pole sometime late last week
And it seems that dear ol' Santa has got somethin' up his sleeve
As I leaned in to listen, he whispered in my hear
He said, don't you dare repeat a single word of this, you hear

He said, boss man's all excited 'cause his new sled's almost ready
And they say he's got it painted up, looks just like Richard Petty's
And Rudolph and the reindeer, they're lookin' long and mean
It's the fastest, highest flyin' winter wonderland machine
I ain't seen it for myself, but I heard say
Santa Claus has got a hot rod sleigh

It's got a heater in the floorboard 'cause he's gettin' old, you know
And a windshield with the wipers should he happen on some snow
Landin' lights of red and white all stuck along the side
So he can spot the rooftops as he's fallin' from the sky

He's got a king-size toy bin, locks in all the latches
And a big old custom air seat with a safety belt that matches
Only thing about it that worries him a heap
Is that he might be here just long before the children get to sleep
Dirty Old Bird Lyrics
Dirty old bird Drunk again No use for her Spit on her, then Turn her over Once again Dirty old bird Drunk again Hold her down now Hit the bitch She'll make no sou